My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
