I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
