i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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