i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
