i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
