if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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