It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
