and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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