So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
