these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
