Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
