'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
