quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
