i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
