i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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