I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
sarcasm needs its own font
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
