omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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