O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
