I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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