just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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