got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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