Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
