My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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