It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
