We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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