the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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