my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
