I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
