can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
