I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
