Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
