Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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