I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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