Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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