I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My vagina is officially offended.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
