I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
