Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
