you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
