You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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