They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
