he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
