What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
