just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
