i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
