First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
