the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
