Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
