His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
