Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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