If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
