Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
