I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize