I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I want is dick and wine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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