I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
