It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
