Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
