Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize