you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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