They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
