The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
