My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
