Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
