I got chris browned last night
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
