the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
