Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
