I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize