Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
