eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
