Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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